Archive for December, 2009

Feeling Better?

December 31, 2009 2 comments

I haven’t posted much this month, partly because it’s December and I’ve been busy and partly because I am feeling better.  Yes, that’s right, I don’t want to jinx it by writing it down but I am feeling better.

The bone-crushing fatigue I’ve had for almost all of 2009 seems to have lifted, I’m no longer struggling to sit and stand by lunchtime. I can get my work done in the evening and manage housework at the weekend.

None of my joints are too bad either, my ankle still isn’t great and the snow and ice have made it clear how much range of motion I’ve lost in that joint since it started flaring up several months ago, but it’s not screaming agony to walk down the stairs and that has to be a good thing.

The other reason I think I’m feeling so well is I’ve just had an appointment with the rheumatologist, and I always seem to make a miraculous recovery about 2 days before I visit the doctors. Anyway, I trudged through the snow, for a 5 minute consultation that consisted of “yes, you seem to be doing better, come back in 6 months”.  6 months is an improvement on 3 months, lets hope none of my other joints flare up in the mean time.

I think that is the trouble with this disease, it’s so unpredictable. I am constantly waiting for another joint to flare up and give me trouble and based on past experience that will happen again.  I also know that the fatigue could flare up again any time and if anything, I find that thought more depressing.  Fatigue screws up your life, I don’t care what anyone says about pacing and finding your limits.  At the end of the day, if you can’t do what you want to do (and often HAVE) to do in a day then it’s frustrating and depressing however much you “pace” or “goal set”.  When that fatigue goes on for months it’s very hard to keep up any semblance of a normal life.

Anyway, enough moaning. Here’s hoping 2010 is a good one.


Why singing helps

December 3, 2009 Leave a comment

I wondered if there were others in that cathedral with rheumatoid arthritis. If there were people there with cancer, with MS, recovering from surgery, grieving loss. How many of us were in pain? But our harmonies lifted above all of that; they rose, with the great ringing of the organ, into the rafters and into the night. Beyond all of us.

I’ve sung in choirs for years, although I don’t have either the time/energy right now. When I sang I never really thought about others, I never thought if other people were in pain (or not). I know I feel less pain when I sing, probably because I’m concentrating on something else but concerts and rehearsals do involve a lot of standing (usually in cold, draughty buildings).

I love to sing because it is such a physical act; but I also love to sing because the music I produce is incorporeal. It thrusts out and away from these sore, stiff bones, this heart that doesn’t know quite what to do with itself.

Music heals. I guess.  If not physically then mentally, it gives you a break. Something else to concentrate on. Hopefully I’ll be able to do some singing this Christmas. Is singing worship? For me personally?  It depends.  Occasionally it is, usually it isn’t. It’s just something I enjoy doing.